We have a couple who were major donors until the wife deceased, the surviving spouse remarried and now gives gifts with the new wife. Our problem is we have a lifetime giving wall that lists donors names and we just keep moving the names according to their gift amounts. I am looking for suggestions on how to recognize these two couples on the wall since they will both be listed. Should they both be "Mr and Mrs John Smith" even though the wives names are different? Out of respect for the first wife, we thought we should put "Mr and Mrs John Smith" and for the new wife "John and Joan Smith" Can anyone give advice on this?

Have your asked "Mr. Smith" how he would like it handled? Barbara Prine Kingswood-Oxford School

This is what we do - not with just "Mr. Smith" - but with all of our donors. Each year we send a form a month before our fiscal year closes. The form shows their cumulative giving amount, the level for that amount, the amounts represented by each level, the names as we think they want to be listed. We ask them to verify the amount and make any changes to the listing names and return the form to us. In addition to getting their names they way we want them, each year we have a number of people who see how close they are to the next level, and send money to push their names up to that next level. What a win-win situation! Jo Jo Ward Neuhaus Education Center (713) 664-7676 ext. 233 [Email Removed]

I'm not sure I understand why the first wife deserves more respect than the second, or why the Mr. & Mrs. format is more respectful. We have this same situation in a couple of cases and we froze the giving level of John & Jane Smith when she died (that name will never move higher), then gave John & Joy Smith credit for all of John's giving ever (even with Jane), which includes the giving with Joy. Therefore, John & Joy Smith are higher on the wall than John & Jane. But donor preferences should always take precedence. So if you can talk to John (not Joy), I'd ask him. Trish Morgan Associate Director Pathways Hospice Foundation [Email Removed]